The Simple Kind of Life

I don’t think any mom wakes up one day and decides she wants to lose herself in a constant state of overwhelm. And yet, somehow many of us end up there. Running from thing to thing, trying to keep up with the house, the kids, the activities, appointments, social life, connecting with your spouse, homework, all the things. Feeling like we’re always behind and always tired, and never having any capacity to enjoy the family we love so much. It doesn’t take long before the stress starts to show up in ways we aren’t proud of. We become short with our kids, irritable with our husbands, and emotionally exhausted by the end of the day.

For a long time I thought the solution was to just keep moving, wishing for the next season because somehow, magically, it will be easier. Once they are sleeping through the night turns into when they are potty trained, which turns into when they start school, which turns into when we have a bigger house, more money. The list goes on and on. So we try to be more organized, get up earlier, plan better. But, things don’t just get better if we are not being intentional about creating change. Eventually I realized the problem wasn’t that I needed to do motherhood better. The problem was that the life we were living wasn’t sustainable long term.

At some point my husband and I had to take an honest look at our life and ask ourselves what actually mattered most. I remember a random conversation we had with our realtor a few years ago when we were looking at houses while I was pregnant with our youngest daughter. She and her husband had already raised their four kids, and somewhere in the conversation she mentioned that at one point her husband told her she didn’t need to commit to anything unless it was directly related to their kids. She may not even remember saying it, and this definitely isn’t a direct quote, but that idea stuck with me. A couple of years later, in the middle of our own full season of life, I kept thinking back to that conversation and decided to  give the idea a try. So we adjusted it to fit our family and used it as a filter that we now run decisions through. We have our top 3 priorities in our home: our faith, our marriage, and our kids-  in that order. And we have learned that if those three things are not in a healthy place, we don’t add anything else to our plate. And if we do, it has to positively impact one of our top 3. Not another commitment. Not another responsibility. Not another “good opportunity.” Because if the most important things in our lives are struggling, adding more isn’t going to fix it. Protecting those priorities has become one of the most important ways we create peace and stability in our home.

Is it a perfect system? Obviously not. We still have to be very intentional and not everything is black and white. Which means, when things start to go south a bit, we have to pause and take inventory of the life we are actually living. Not the life we wish we were living or the life we feel pressure to keep up with, but the real one-  the one with our current schedule, our current budget, our current responsibilities, and our current capacity. We often talk about simplicity like it magically appears if we organize our homes or declutter a few closets. But real simplicity usually requires something deeper - it requires us to strip away all the things of this world and realize what really matters. At our core, what is truly important. And often times it requires saying no. No to things that sound fun, no to things other people are doing, and sometimes no to things that are perfectly good but still add pressure to our lives. And this can be a hard realization, especially for someone like me who has a very real case of FOMO..

When we live in a constant state of overwhelm, it eventually shows up somewhere. We become easily irritated, quick to snap, and emotionally drained. We react instead of respond. We feel guilty about the kind of mother we are showing up as, even though we love our kids deeply. But often the issue isn’t love. It’s capacity. When we are always running on empty, we simply don’t have the emotional margin to pour into our kids the way we want to. Protecting rhythms and protecting margin isn’t about creating an easier life for ourselves. It’s about creating the capacity to be present in the lives of the people who matter most.

I often come back to the story of Mary and Martha. When Jesus came to their home, Martha immediately jumped into serving and preparing everything. Mary, on the other hand, sat at Jesus’ feet and listened. Martha became frustrated and asked Jesus to tell Mary to help. But Jesus responded gently, saying, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed,  or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better.” Martha wasn’t doing something wrong. She was doing something good. But Mary chose what was better. I think motherhood often pushes us toward Martha mode, doing, managing, serving, and running from one thing to the next. Yet Jesus reminds us that the most important place we can start is simply sitting at His feet. Everything else flows from there. Motherhood isn’t a sprint. It’s a long and meaningful journey, and if we build a life that constantly drains us, eventually it will catch up with us.

At the end of the day, we don’t want our kids to grow up remembering a mom who was constantly overwhelmed and on the verge of burnout. We want them to remember a home that felt peaceful. Not perfect, but steady. A mom who laughed with them and played with them. A mom who had patience left at the end of the day. A mom who had the emotional space to truly see them and to listen to them. That kind of motherhood doesn’t happen by accident. It happens when we intentionally protect what matters most, when we take inventory of our lives, when we let go of things that don’t belong in this season, and when we choose to sit at the feet of Jesus before carrying everything else.

If you’re a mom reading this and feeling overwhelmed, maybe the place to start is simple. Take inventory of your life. Ask yourself what your top priorities truly are, and whether they are healthy right now. If they aren’t, that’s not failure. It might simply be an invitation to slow down, and let go of a few things that no longer fit this season. Because a simple kind of life,  the steady, intentional kind,  is worth building, one small rhythm at a time.

At Fully Known, this is part of the heart behind what we do. Life is complicated, seasons can feel overwhelming, and sometimes we just need space to slow down, take inventory, and remember what truly matters. This world is loud and you will lose yourself in it if you aren’t intentional. Whether you are walking through anxiety, burnout, motherhood struggles, or simply trying to build a more intentional life, you don’t have to figure it all out alone.

My hope is that Fully Known can be a place where women feel safe to be honest about where they are, while also being reminded that growth, healing, and restoration are possible. Because the God who created you sees you, knows you, and cares deeply about every part of you, your spouse and your kids.

And sometimes the first step toward healing and peace isn’t doing more.

Sometimes it’s simply slowing down, sitting at the feet of Jesus, and remembering that you are already fully known and deeply loved.

Where It All Began: Why I Do What I Do

I did not grow up dreaming about being a mental health therapist one day. In fact, you could have played M*A*S*H (IYKYK) with me every single day for an entire year in middle school, and it would have never shown up under the “jobs” category. Things such as, stay at home mom, teacher, nurse, professional basketball player (haha), ice cream shop owner, would have all been more likely. But here I am. So how did I get here? What made me so passionate about mental health and helping others through hard seasons? Good question. The short answer is….Jesus. The long answer is…. Jesus. 

I struggled with anxiety and panic attacks through high school and college, but just tried my best to ignore it. And for the most part, I could. It followed me into my adult years and it hit a peak shortly after meeting my husband. I started to find safety behaviors to help me in those moments, but what I didn’t realize is that I was setting myself up for failure in the long term. It started to affect my eating habits, my social life, and many more areas. In 2018 my husband and I got married and even though I had talked to him about it some, the depths of it he didn’t know…and honestly I don’t think I did either. 

February of 2020 we licensed our home for foster care and a couple weeks later we met a 2 day old baby boy. While the joy that he brought to Seth and I was indescribable, I struggled to manage my stress and spiraled. There were times I couldn’t eat, I was scared to be alone with him, I had fears that DCF would show up with no warning and take him. I was married to a wonderful man, had great support around me, yet I felt so lonely and as if no one understood me or knew me. 

We were actually able to adopt our son about a year later. Once his adoption was finalized it felt like we could breathe again. We had decided that we were going to take a break from foster care to regroup and just enjoy being a family.

3 months later we get a call. “Hey, I know you guys said you were taking a break, but would you be open to another child?” We said yes. He was 19 months old, just 3 month older than our son, so we figured we could handle that. Then 4 months later we got another call. “ Hey, there is an 8 day old little girl that is in need of a home. Are you guys open to another baby?” We again said yes. 4 months later I called my husband at work one day. “Hey, I just got a positive pregnancy test.” This catapulted us into pure survival mode. I don’t know how we did it. I honestly think the pregnancy hormones, in a weird way, kept me somewhat sane. 

Fast forward a few months and I gave birth to our youngest daughter on our older daughter’s first birthday and our boys were 2. So if you are keeping track, that is 4 kids in 2.5 years, 3 of them newborns, with our oldest son being 2 when our youngest was born. I felt like I was on a sinking ship mentally and physically. I didn’t know where to go for help. I considered medication, but absolutely did not want to take it, so I didn’t. I just kept trying to ignore all the red flags and my body’s check engine light was so bright that it was becoming hard to ignore. 

Then, a year and a half  after our youngest was born, on my 33rd birthday, it all caught up to me. I woke up at 4:30am on the dot in a full blown panic attack that would last for hours. I truly felt like I was dying. I had no control over my mind or my body. I couldn’t get out of bed, I couldn’t take care of my kid, I couldn’t eat, I could barely talk without something triggering another attack. This lasted for 2 weeks. Every morning at 4:30am the same thing would happen and last all day. After multiple visits with my provider, a trip to the ER, phone calls to friends, a CT scan, still not being able to get out of bed, and encouragement from my husband, I started medication. I took 2 weeks off work, and family and friends helped us care for our kids, brought us food, and prayed over us. I was embarrassed, I felt like a fraud. I felt vulnerable, misunderstood, judged, ashamed, and alone. I remember just laying in bed praying the same desperate prayers, that He would immediately take the vicious attacks away. And guess what? He didn’t; not right away. The intensity subsided, but still, 2 years later, I struggle. I still don’t understand it all. Is it hormones, a spiritual attack, pure exhaustion, chemical imbalances in my brain, a combination of it all? I don’t know, and may never know. But what I do know is that in the hard He is still there. Whatever it may be.

I often find myself blaming God pretty quickly when I go through something hard. Why would He allow this to happen to me? If he is all powerful then why won’t he just take this away from me? It’s truly an age old question, that has led many away from Christ. It’s a question I wrestle with too, but at the root of it all, the question for me is really, “What is it about God that I don’t trust?”

I am thankful the intensity of that season is (hopefully) behind me. I don’t want to walk it again, and fear and anxiety still creeps in. But I also won’t ever pretend I have it all together because I don’t. I have walked through a hard season since then, and I am sure more are to come. But, the hard also brought me a deep desire to walk with other women, moms, wives, daughters, etc.. to remind you that no matter what you face; the God that created you sees you, He knows you, and He loves you. Right where you are. And through that, Fully Known was born.

Are you ready to start your own sessions? I would be honored to walk with you. Fill out a contact form, here!